bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
