my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
