So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize