I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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