Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
