i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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