No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
