Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
