Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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