Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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