My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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