I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
