I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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