my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
