Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
