the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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