Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
