Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
