dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
