my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
