it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
