Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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