dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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