you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my being single is dangerous.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
