Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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