It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize