I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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