I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize