I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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