My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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