idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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