can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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