Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
