Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize