what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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