carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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