Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
