How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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