that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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