My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
