hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
