I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
