what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
