On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
