Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
