Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
