Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you had me at cake vodka
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
