Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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