You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize