there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
