Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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