Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
