Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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