she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
