just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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