I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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