I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
