did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
