Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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