I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Green mimosas i think yes
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
