So drunk its hurt
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
