I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
