Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
