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Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
