I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize